RANSVESTIA

In retrospect I wish I had done it years ago. Both of us would have had extra time to grow together with my "sister." I would have had years when the younger more sophisticated clothes and hairstyles could have been a part of me. I still like to be smart and chic but as a middle aged woman. People of both sexes who can't age gracefully and wear the particular beauty of their years with effect, grace and pride seem to be caricatures of humanity. A beautiful woman of forty- five has the serene beauty of maturity that cannot be matched by the twenty-three year old fashion model whose appearance is almost solid sexuality carved on the surface and not shining from within. Mind you, no man would turn away from that "solid sexuality" unless he had completely stripped his mental gears.

If you can bear with me a little longer, that isn't quite the end of my story. If you've gotten this far, you've been most patient.

Flushed with the success of my first disclosure I wanted to share the "good news"-anybody want to argue with that description?—with another woman where I might find acceptance. I thought immediate- ly of our friend who had loaned me the clothes for the last fashion show. She had never married, had a great sense of humor, was sym- pathetic by nature, sophisticated and seemed to get a real kick out of my dressing for the stage.

With my wife's permission but some apprehension I made a date to go and see Shirley. The visit was something less than successful. She listened to my presentation with apparent sympathy and understand- ing of my problem but with a noticeable element of reserve. She assured me she would respect my confidence and felt quite compli- mented that I wanted to include her and that I felt I could trust her. However, participation seemed to be a little more than she could handle and she asked if she could think about it. It appeared to be a quiet but definite brush off. We have seen each other a number of times since but she has never raised the issue nor have I, I wonder if I should? She is certainly as friendly as ever.

Undaunted, I looked elsewhere. By this time I had two of Virginia's books, Understanding... and The TV and His Wife. Both excellent, by the way.

Almost, if not equally, as frightening as telling my wife was telling my mother that her only son, indeed only child, wanted to be her

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